Between April and October last year, 409,347 under 18s were referred to the NHS in England for specialist care for issues such as suicidal thoughts and self-harm, with an overall rise of 77% in the number of children needing specialist treatment for severe mental health crisis. This analysis for the BBC was reported on the 4th February 2022.

These statistics can no longer be ignored and we have yet to see the even greater impact of two years of a global pandemic, continuous lockdowns and the heightened anxiety many young people are suffering with being back in a busy school, concerned about job prospects and career opportunities.

Whilst I am not a parent and cannot speak from personal experience, I know of three mothers who were supporting their teenage sons whose male friends had taken their lives in August 2021 and these unfortunately are not isolated cases. All I could do was support my friends and be there for them as they were for their children. Other parents are finding themselves having to privately fund the cost of supporting their children who have been severely affected by isolation and low self-esteem, as the system is so overburdened.

Monday the 7th to Friday the 11th February was Children’s Mental Health Week (see www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk) and the focus this year was on growth, and emotional growth in particular, but like all these great initiatives this is not something we can only acknowledge for a week and then hope everything is okay. Over that week I talked with parents and teachers, and followed on social media those who offer some amazing support for parents, children and young adults. I have even spoken to a family photographer who has noticed that children around seven years old are no longer hugging or touching in photos. Human touch, we know, is so vital to our mental health and wellbeing – it’s been a very fine line to dance over the last two years between mental and physical health – but this rising tide of children’s mental health declining is not new to the pandemic.
One of the biggest challenges facing parents and teachers is that they cannot get the support they need as the services are oversubscribed and can often only help when matters have become so severe that there has to be an intervention; rather than being there at the early stages to help manage these huge mental health issues and big emotions that have been overflowing and becoming more heightened in the last two years.

We also need to acknowledge that all teenagers’ hormones are surging and that girls as young as eight are starting their periods. Along with this can come fear and shame as well as the fact that female hormones change throughout the month, meaning that the girl’s moods can change through the month too. Stress can have an impact on hormonal wellbeing which in turn affects mental health – this is a whole other topic which needs more education, as the female cycle is about so much more than periods and pregnancy.

So what can we do as parents, relatives, neighbours, communities to support these children and young people? I’ve chosen to share some ideas and inspiration from Little Beam Books (www.littlebeam.co.uk), a Leicestershire based organisation committed to educating the whole child. Their focus is on primary-aged children but I have found their advice and insights invaluable as they have resources for parents and educators too.
When it comes to calming big emotions, you may find the following steps useful to engage a conversation:

1. Acknowledge the feeling rather than dismiss it, without jumping in to fix it or share the comment “well in my day …”.
2. Take time out to breathe, step back and reset so that conversation can be engaged in from a place of calm, whilst acknowledging the anger, frustration or sadness.
3. Allow time to acknowledge what it is your child or young adult needs and explore options together so that your child / young adult can feel empowered.

I also want to share a resource which you may find useful to support your understanding. The Children’s Health Matters Summit was held during the Children’s Mental Health Week to raise awareness and share knowledge and learning by bringing 50 professionals together in order to share their insights and to help families who need and want support. childrensmentalhealthmatterssummit.co.uk 
Sir John Timpson (of Timpson’s shoe repair shops) has written a range of illustrated guides about mental health, including: A Guide to Teenage Mental Health. Some of these are available at the shoe repair shop in Loughborough, but you can also have a look at: www.timpson-group.co.uk/alextimpson-trust/free-books/

Mairi Taylor